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In lieu of a video recording, here’s a transcript of my lightning talk from the June 12th Women Catalysts event in San Francisco.

They do not mean to show us, in such precise flashes, who we are. Or at least, who we are to them. But they do. Because these developmental processes of imitation & pretend play are basically innate. And they do not lie.

Trusting ourselves is one of the things that makes us strong. And repairing trust that we’ve damaged or broken with ourselves is deep, dirty, courageous work.

I think we have this notion that healing is the easy part, the part that comes after the suffering; the ascendance. But as we know, from our own experiences, it isn’t. We have this idea that the phoenix likes burning itself alive; that it feels victorious in the flames, that somehow surviving what feels un-survivable is immediately triumphant… 

What if my resolutions aren’t about “bettering” myself, what if they are about being (more of) myself? About embodying, realizing, and living my deepest values and me-ness? Not some abstract, new, “better” me; this one. 

Your child does not need you to be perfect! They just need you! They need you to care, to try, to show up, and to model for them what it means to be a person (including uncertainty and improvisation and mistakes and amends and bursts of love and giggles and all of the other things that make you not a robot).

Breaking up suuucks. Even if the relationship was bad, even if you saw it coming a mile away, even if you know it's the right thing, it hurts. Here are a few ideas to carry with you as you move through some really tough stuff.

 

What do you really, really, really care about? How can you make space to focus on that? What dragons must be slain for you to grab ahold of your right-now wholeness, just as you are?

Knowing the “good girl” part of myself as intimately as I do, I also know this: her real truth comes screaming up inside of her sometimes, as she sits across from her boss, her partner, or her mother; but she swallows, nods, and agrees politely anyway. And all the while, she is ablaze with the deep-down knowing that something does not feel right.

Where are you being an ostrich in your life, and is that working for you? And how much energy is that head-burying taking away from things you would actually like to have energy for—the things you want to be fully awake to in your life; that are being dulled by the ones (you think) you’d rather sleep through? 

What are the challenges that were made for you? What dreams are so in line with your soul-purpose that it is worth the risk of throwing yourself into them completely?